Ken and the Beanstalk

By Buttergold

Once upon a time, there was a really really great story called ³Omi and the Beanstalk² which was creatively and expertly done by an *gasp* eleven-year-old! This is the even better sequel everybody who have read the first one has been waiting for.

The minute Ken was two metres off the ground and up the beanstalk, he knew his mother, Omi, had made a mistake. She had told him it was a beanstalk. But it was actually a tomatostalk. So . . .

Tomatostalk

Ken and the Beanstalk

Back to the creatively and expertly done sequel . . .

As Ken took a bite out of a giant tomato, he wondered how come his mother never noticed it. Then again, his mother was pretty blur and spent most of her time surfing the net for adoption agencies so she could get rid of her son(her WeiB craze was over).

By the time Ken was five metres off the ground and up the beanstalk, he realized he had made a big mistake; HE WAS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS! He was going to shouting to his mother for help, but decided against it. Imagine how wimpy he would look clinging to the tomatostalk, yelling his head off for his ³mama² to save him.

Mustering all his courage, he continued. When he finally reached the top, his knees were shaking and he clutched a nearby tree to support him.

After he had more or less regained his composure, he noticed that there were small little buttons in the tree he was clutching. Ken was not curious by nature, but he couldnıt resist pressing one to see what would happen.

³Going down,² a mechanical voice sounded out from nowhere.

Suddenly, the ground beneath him opened up and he fell down to ³another level².

³Fifty-seventh floor,² the voice said again. An elevator?

Ken stood up and looked around. Then the mist around him cleared and *X-Files music in the background* there, looming before him was a gigantic castle.

Ken took out a pocket calculator and tapped on the keys. Then solemnly taking out a white chalk he did several sums on the grey stone of the castleıs wall.

³According to my calculations which are, of course, always accurate, this castle is exactly 58.49012 times larger than my mansion,²

Then he crawled under the giant door which was precisely 49.773 times larger than Kenıs front door to the mansion(according to Kenıs always accurate calculations).

He appeared at the other side of the door in a large dining room. In the middle of the room was a large table, just 44.86 times larger than the table Ken had at home, on which lay a platter with a gigantic roasted chicken, the size of a middle-sized blue whale.

Suddenly, a voice boomed out indifferently, ³Iım home, wife,² Scared out of his skin, Ken dove right into the blue-whale-sized chicken. He was covered with oil, but at least he was safe - for now.

³You dinnerıs ready so sit down and eat it,² his wife said.³If you want to,² his wife added nervously.

As the red-headed giant bit off the piece of chicken in which Ken was hiding, Ken got so frightened he gave a little squawk and jumped down the table, under another door.

³Are you sure this is cooked, woman?² Ken, shivering and sweating profusely, heard the giant say as if nothing had happened at all - indifferent.

³Yes it is,² his wife answered.

³Well, you better be right. I heard a noise from it just now,²

³Oh, well never mind,²

As soon as Ken knew he was safe, Ken decided to look where he was. And there in front of him was the greatest sight that his eyes had ever seen. Piles and piles of glittering gold and silver coins as big as his head and multicolored gems tossed in a corner. But Ken ignored them all - he knew that being greedy would land himself in trouble. So he pounced behind a giant red gem and took only one thing.

³Wow!² exclaimed Ken, putting on an unusually normal-sized mitt(unusually normal in this situation). ³The coolest, newest most fantastic baseball mitt, complete with a retractable claws. Available in all stores near you,² Ken mimicked the advertisement.

He put in on and looked at it admiringly.

Just then, he realized there were no more noising coming from outside.

He crawled out to see the giant in front of him, evidently having heard him, was trying to find him.

Ken squealed like what he was going to be - a butchered pig. He ran towards the front door and scrambled under out in the open.

Where on earth that cursed tree-elevator?

³Who are you? And what are you doing here? You humans belong on earth,² the giant demanded fiercely as his shadow fell across Ken.

He reached to pick Ken up. At that crucial moment, Ken was fortunately saved by the bell - sort of.

Ken searched for his hand phone in his pocket and finally found it.

³Hi, Mum,²

³Dear, Iıve just found a couple whoıll gladly adopt you! Their surname is Hidaka, ah here they are now!²

³Thatıs - erm -great,²

³There! Youıre finally adopted! When you come back, Iıll give you the address and youıll pack your bags and leave, okay?²

³Sure,²

³Bye!²

³Bye,²

Ken replaced his hand phone. ³Sorry, that was my mum,²

³Hey arenıt you Taketori Omiıs son?²

³Yeah, got a problem with that?²

³Taketori. The family who brought my sister in a coma. Deliberately,²

³Then why are you so calm-like?²

³Youıre right,² Raising his katana high he yelled. ³TAKETORI!!!²

³Oops,² Ken realized he had made his second big mistake that day. But thanks to his quick wits, or so he says, he managed to solve the problem.

³Iım no longer a Taketori,²

³What?² the giant in mid-air(he had jumped into the air for a dramatic touch to the already-dramatic scene)lowered his katana.

³My mum - I mean my ex-mum, just adopted me to a family called Hidaka, So now Iım Hidaka Ken,²

³Kıso,² the giant said indifferently, shaking his head, making the one long earring on his ear jingle a little. He fell back to the ground with a muffled thump.

³I best be going now,² Ken said, feeling the tree behind him had buttons sticking out on the trunk. ³Itıs time for my football lessons. I canıt miss it Œcos itıs my one and only ECA and teacher says if I miss it again, Iıll be suspended,²

Fortunately, Ken was gone before the giant could notice the baseball mitt and ask him if you take up football only, you need a baseball mitt.

³Sixtieth floor,² the mechanical floor sounded out again.

³Oh no, the going down part!² Ken, for all his accuracy at maths and lightning-quick wits, when it came to heights, he lost his guts and his mind went blank. I mean it. Ken later retched in the elevator.