To Be or Not to Be: Part Two

By Saaye Kage no Ansatsusha

“So where are we going today Nagi-kun?” a bunny-holding, amoebae IQ, donut-hair lass chirped as she clung onto the right arm of the raven-haired, baby-blue eyed, dolly-faced, mansion-crashing Japanese. The youth immediately flushed up upon hearing the sweet voice of his lover and smiled gently to her, replying, “Well dear I’ve got two tickets for Titanic so…is it fine with you?” Squeaks of delight came from the lass as she gave her boyfriend a peck on the cheek to thank him. The expression on his face was priceless as his shy-thermometer rose, crashing the thermometer bulb. Suddenly, his moment of happiness was broken as a furious (now un-) dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American came charging up to him a like a mad Spanish bull. “What’s up Crawford? I thought you gave me a day’s break?” the raven-haired, baby-blue eyed, dolly-faced, mansion-crashing Japanese questioned in a slightly put-off tone. Without warning, the older man grabbed him by the scuff of his collar and dragged him away, leaving a very puzzled bunny-holding, amoebae IQ, donut-hair lass behind.

“Farf dear, so what’s the plan for today?” the Rosen Kreuz wanted, “anata no itami o kanjiteiru”, sweetie-pie ex-witch, asked her boyfriend tenderly as they strolled down the streets as the Rosen Kreuz wanted, “anata no itami o kanjiteiru”, sweetie-pie ex-witch chowed on a Rum and Raisins ice cream cone. “Well, since I got my pay today, why don’t we go for a river boat ride? We can go for some Italian food after that ne?” he answered to the scar of his life. “Oh Farf! You are so…so nice to me…” the Rosen Kreuz wanted, “anata no itami o kanjiteiru”, sweetie-pie ex-witch commented gently, staring into her lover’s eyes. “Oh Sally-chan…” he answered, looking at her fondly, moving his head closer to her for a kiss when… “FARFARELLO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” a herd of stomping buffaloes came by, snatched the knife-licking, one-eyed, maniacal psychopath, strait-jacket-adoring Irish and dragged him away.

“So where do you want to go today?” the hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German cheerfully asked the aloofly cold, dagger-wielding, ran-like, accounts-hating ice maiden. It was an interesting contrast to fellow patrons of the theme park, watching a bright orange mop attempting to communicate with a sulky bluish-black statue. Yet, the hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German did not seem to be a least bit upset. “The Ferris Wheel looks fun! How about trying that out? Or maybe the haunted house would suit you since you can meet your fellow icy corp…” he commented, narrowly missing a striking elbow. “Hey, don’t get mad okay?” the hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German grinned at his girlfriend, “After all, today’s our first Valentine Day’s date together…” Saying this in a serious and gentle tone, he placed his arm over her right shoulder. He could feel the muscles slightly tensing up but this ceased in a second or two. The hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German had waited a long while for this perfect moment and he was sure that she would give in today. At least, until a stampede of wild elephants came dashing through, pulled him by his arm and took him away.

“CRAWFORD!!!!! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ?!?!?!?!?!?” the other three Schwarz members shouted at the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American. After all, all of them had been having the time of their lives when they were rudely interrupted by their leader. Sighing, the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American ordered them to sit on the grassy patch as he made his speech.

“Friends, comrades, lend me your ears!” he droned in that usual tone of his, “Let me ask what is just so good in getting yourselves girlfriends? Do you realise how much you all are missing out? You people are missing out a bunch of wild parties, hot sexy babes and free nights! What do you all get in return? Just another mother who nags the hell out of you! Being single is the GREATEST thing in this world! Remember that!”

“Well, actually I don’t see you attending any wild parties or having a harem of hot sexy women. Besides, Tot-chan and I always hang out at the latest parties and we are doing find.”

“Speaking of wild, Sally-chan and I get wild weekly. I don’t remember you even dating a woman, not to mention, ‘wild’.”

“Yeah, and your idea of free nights is one of sitting in front of your computer, trying to sort out accounts, finding new jobs and managing the whole team. Some fun huh?”

“Well…I…at least I have freedom while you guys are just a bunch of tied-down slaves!” the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American protested, in a bid to convince his team-mates.

“Tied-down? I don’t really think so coz Tot-chan respects me a lot and lets me make most of the decisions.”

“Not to mention that being in love IS a great feeling. Man, it’s just as good as hacking Takatori. No, make that a hundred times better!”

“Hmmmm, and just why are you so persistent in trying to convince us? Aha! I see, so you feel that your position is threatened being the only single member of the team!”

“WHAT?!? I…I…never ever thought of such a thing Schuldig. You must have read my mind wrongly….” the (now un-) dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American spluttered in a very apparent way.

“Awwwwww, poor Bradley is worried coz he feels that he is unwanted!” the hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German smirked, wrapping an arm around the (now un-) dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American’s shoulder.

“And just why not? After all, even the Weiß members are already attached! Let me recap for you. That Ran boy has got a Sakura pining after him, the soccer boy has an Australlian immigrant babe as his girlfriend, the playboy has hordes of women and even the barbie boy has a new girlfriend! Meaning, you are the only SINGLE and UNWANTED male in the whole show,” the knife-licking, one-eyed, maniacal psychopath, strait-jacket-adoring Irish rattled on, simultaneously playing with his new dagger.

“Point agreed Farfarello! Even those two oldies (Persia and Takatori) have their own women! Fancy you losing out to a pair of antique foggies. Let me tell you, living girlfriends are essential. That is the one of the only ways to combat against those yaoi fics written by some of our fans. The more you are involved with a girl, the less they will bother about you since you have become such a romantic person,” the raven-haired, baby-blue eyed, dolly-faced, mansion-crashing Japanese continued, whipping out a laptop, accessing Microsoft Excel. “Look here Crawford,” he said, pointing to a line graph on the spreadsheet, “As you can see, there have been more and more yaoi fics about you recently as three of us have publicised to the WKYAOIML and WKFFML about our steady, secure relationships. Thus, the yaoi fics about us have slightly decreased. As for you, more and more have been churning out day by day. I mean, look here!” The raven-haired, baby-blue eyed, dolly-faced, mansion-crashing Japanese then accessed the internet to a few yaoi WebPages, evidently flooded with yaoi fics centered around the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American . “CrawfordxPersia, CrawfordxMasafumi…why, there’s even a CrawfordxBotan here!” the raven-haired, baby-blue eyed, dolly-faced, mansion-crashing Japanese pointed out to his team leader.

“Not to mention, getting a girlfriends gives you all the perks we three have been receiving! Sally-chan is really hot man! Do not hesitate any longer Crawford for the number of living single females in this show has been steadily decreasing…”

“Hey wait a minute! We are Schwarz, the baddies of this show! Are we really going to reduce ourselves to a pile of purring kitties like Weiß?!? We have a reputation and we MUST keep it!”

“And just for what? Insensitive baddies are out since the women nowadays go for guys that can really care for her! Trust me! According to my statistics, your number of female fans has been decreasing! Only in getting a girlfriend will you prove to the world that you are not that bad! Plus, your female fans will get jealous and develop a greater loyalty and love towards you! Plus, you don’t really have to get a serious girlfriend… Face it Crawford! SNAGs (senstive new age guys) like us are good catches now! We are the desired male breed of the women nowadays!” the hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German added on.

“And don’t forget Crawfie, if you want a girl permanently, you had better get some experience! Girls only want guys that have experience in that sort of thing,” the knife-licking, one-eyed, maniacal psychopath, strait-jacket-adoring Irish reminded him. Upon seeing the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American protest while blushing furiously, he smirked. “Come on leader, I can’t believe you are still a virgin until now! I mean, who would have thought you were so pure? I bet that even Nagi has done it right?”

“Errr….well….yeah….”

“And Schudig has probably done it too! Right?”

“Well, I kinda guess so…..”

“Remember Bradley, what you need to get this experience is someone to work on,” the knife-licking, one-eyed, maniacal psychopath, strait-jacket-adoring Irish summarised.

“Therefore, you MUST get a girlfriend too!” the three chorused with great determination.

The dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American sweat-dropped in view of this parade of confidence. Yet, there was an element of truth in what his team members had said. Maybe he should consider getting a woman for himself. However, a flying umbrella and dagger flew past his teammates’ heads, stabbing him squarely on the forehead, causing serious bleeding. Without a word, the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American “oroed” and fell to the ground, unconscious. Suddenly, three beautiful girls came running to the scene and each grabbed their respective boyfriends.

“Nagi-kun, daijoubu ka?” the bunny-holding, amoebae IQ, donut-hair lass asked her boyfriend most concernly. “Boku wa iin da… Tot-chan,” the raven-haired, baby-blue eyed, dolly-faced, mansion-crashing Japanese said gently to his lover, staring at her fondly with his beautiful eyes. Then, he took her hand and the couple left the bloody scene.

“Farfie-chan! Dai…daijoubu ka? Atashi wa kimi ga totemo shinpai ne!” the Rosen Kreuz wanted, “anata no itami o kanjiteiru”, sweetie-pie ex-witch tearfully sobbed as she hugged her lover. “Sally-chan, go…gomen ne…” the knife-licking, one-eyed, maniacal psychopath, strait-jacket-adoring Irish replied tenderly, stroking her hair with his hand. Silently, they left, hugging each other round the waist.

“Hey! Why don’t you ask me whether I am alright or not?” the hunky carrot-top, smirking-all-the-time, Clairol’s-herbal-essence using German asked his girlfriend with exaggerated disappointment. “Why should I? You are not dead anyway so I have no reason to care,” the aloofly cold, dagger-wielding, ran-like, accounts-hating ice maiden sulked back at him. Yet, the dagger planted firmly in the dignified businessman like, calmly collected, serious-secretary looking, spectacled American’s forehead spoke the truth. Smiling at her, he suddenly grabbed her, carrying her in his arms. “Ja, ikuzo!” he grinned, walking off with a slightly blushing aloofly cold, dagger-wielding, ran-like, accounts-hating ice maiden.